FEY: Details Magazine claims that since the 1940s, a secret list has been kept of which famous men have large penises. I'll tell you one celebrity you won't see on the Big Penis List, Mr...Jimmy.. {punches Tina} ...Carter! I was gonna say Carter!

FEY: It is rumored that Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez want to star in a remake of Casablanca. This will be the perfect film for people who liked the original but wished it was terrible.

SETH MEYERS: I'm Tina Fey. No one can beat Kentucky.

SETH MEYERS: And what will I do with you, one-time ten dollar bill of Ms. Tina Fey? Perhaps we'll share two coffees and a scone at Starbucks, or, maybe we'll take a cab almost all the way back to my apartment.

FEY: The annual White House Easter egg hunt is scheduled for next week. President Bush told reporters he still has no definitive knowledge where the eggs might be or if they are in fact, alive or dead. Regardless, the administration says it plans to spend $70 billion looking for the eggs, and then not find them.

FALLON: According to sources inside Baghdad, the Iraqi military leader known as "Chemical Ali" is dead. No word on the status of his long-time rival, "Chemical Frasier."

FEY: Coming up in just three days is April 15, the IRS deadline for filing your income taxes. Or, as Willie Nelson refers to it, Tuesday.

FALLON: When the New York City subways stop using tokens in May, it will signal the end of "token sucking," the practice of thieves putting their mouths on the turnstiles and sucking out a recently used token. For those who miss the sensation of putting your mouth on a subway turnstile, the MTA recommends making out with Mickey Rourke.
FEY: That's a good joke there, Tiny Penis. {punches Tina} See how funny it is when the sound effect works!?