FALLON: On Friday, President Bush announced details of his plan to send a man to the moon.  Bush told reporters that to guarantee success of the mission, we will only send the astronauts up there when it's a full moon.

FALLON: Last week, Britney Spears married Jason Alexander.  In a related story, Christina Aguilera sixty-nined Newman.

FEY: Insiders say that Spears' weekend marriage to her friend was the result of a prank that went too far.  But honestly, what marriage isn't?

FEY: Lawyers for David Gest charged that Liza Minnelli has a medical condition that she hid from her former husband.  David, a vagina is not a condition...

FEY: A 7-year-old boy in Sheboygan, Wisconsin had to be rescued by a locksmith this past weekend after getting stuck in a supermarket toy machine. And so begins Michael Jackson’s most recent letter to Penthouse.